AC D.C. Year in Review

Parham's and Carlos's comments to the Christmas message made me think of all the highlights and low-lights of the year.  In addition to the low-lights already mentioned by Carlos, I'd have to add: 1) my own-goal that killed the semi-finals of the CBT, and 2) Toussaint's diving header into the defender's show-laces (ugh!). The image of Brian coming up spewing blood from all pores is not something I will forget for a long time.  Plus, the black eyes and nose guard the following week. Yuk.

There were many highlights for the team during the year as well.  My personal favorites were: 1) reaching the semi-finals of the CBT (which, again, I killed with an own-goal) and 2) playing in the new tournament in Columbia during the summer.  The first game for the latter was just so impressive, especially given the number of new players we had on the pitch playing together for the first time.  

Looking ahead is perhaps more fun.  What do we want for AC D.C. in 2009?  It'd be too easy to say we want 15,000 goals, win all the leagues and tournaments and have no injuries.  I'd like to look like Brad Pitt but that ain't happening either.  

Other wishes?  Hm... I'd personally like Jeff to go less out of his way to piss me off.  But, then again, I also wanted an invisibility cloak for Christmas.  Stupid Santa!  

More realistic, perhaps?

OK.  I hope we can win more games in WISL, so we don't have to stress about being relegated.  I hope that Mumbles can keep his goal-scoring form and that Robb can remain practically impermeable.  I hope the team has more fun together and we all have an outrageous time at "Le Luge Deux," and a whole bunch of you get reeeeeetarded.  No, not Brian or Jeff; that's just too obvious. But someone unexpected, like Erika, or Whitey, or Mumbles.  And next year may be a good time for AC D.C. to think about an away tournament: South Beach? Vegas?  Can you imagine how much fun we'd have?

And above all, more than goals and championships and tournaments, I hope that in 2009, the team has more and more fun playing football together.  After all, that is the passion that we share.  

What were your highlights and low-lights of 2008?  What do you want for the New Year?  Don't be shy (and you all have been), share your thoughts in a comment...please.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, everybody!

Christmas Message

With the Christmas spirit pervading the air, my thoughts turn to family, brotherhood, peace on earth, good will to men, and all that stuff. Since AC D.C. was founded six years ago, the team has turned from a fly-by-night organization, to a family of sorts. The picture you see here is the first "family portrait", circa 2003 (look at Jeff's goatee!). Many of our brother and sisters have left the team over the years to pursue careers and family. For this Christmas message, I've asked them to tell us about their life away from the club. (And they've responded with their usual tardiness that they used to respond to our Evites!). Here's what they had to say...

The incomparable Ben Nelson (picture seated front & center) writes from Boston:

I miss playing with the team. I finished my pediatric residency and started a fellowship in pediatric pulmonology. I just celebrated my 30th birthday, and Meghan and I took the first step in becoming parents - we adopted a dog last year!  I look forward to welcoming a former AC DC player to my family next year. Mike Kaschak is marrying my sister-in-law! 

I last saw Ben at Thanksgiving, and let me tell you, that damn dog is the center of life right now.

Sergio Jaramillo was the latest player to leave AC D.C., and he writes from Florida:

I am still playing Mr. Mom. I plan to start work after the holidays. As far as moving my feet, I decided to train with a personal trainer before I start playing ball again. Hopefully, one day, I can play with the old black and red in the Cherry Blossom Tourney or something. Say hi to the entire team. I miss you guys. I'll keep tabs through the new blog.

Mike Reilly is in sunny California doing a one-year fellowship, and has an eye towards returning to DC:

While having temporarily hung up my soccer cleats in exchange for a surfboard, I'm looking forward to being back in the action with you guys next year. By the way, it is 70 and sunny here, suckas! :-)

Our founding midfield general, Jonathan Lachman, was recently back at home in D.C., but just missed the team happy hour. If you’ve played with him, you’ll recall that he performs optimally in the temperature range of 55-75 degrees, from 10am to 4pm (we called those “Lachman conditions”). So, he writes:

My stint with Wigan athletic didn't pan out, not able to play in cold weather. Hoping to return to ACDC during January transfer window, but only if owner agrees to pay in t-bills. Off the pitch, am now staffing an expert working group for the Congressional Commission on the US Strategic Posture in addition to consulting to state and local governments. Turning 30 in Feb; Opus, does that mean you're 50? Hope you are all well.

Lachman’s fellow Kennedy School graduate, and midfield magician, Pablo Quintanilla, is the farthest away from D.C. He writes:

I miss you all and I'm delighted to know I can follow your every move through the new ACDC blog. As you know, I recently moved to Beijing with my wife, Silvana, and we are doing very well. I miss playing futbol with you, yet I'm staying in shape with Wednesday night basketball, lifting at a local gym, occasional badminton matches with random people on the street, and the much renowned "whip the top as hard as you can." Older men in parks use a leather whip to keep a large wooden top rotating hour after hour.

Many warm regards to you and your families. Silvana and I would love to host you in Beijing in the next couple years.

Pablo also included his vonage phone number, which I don’t want to publish to the entire internet. If you are visiting Beijing any time soon (gee, how many games will you be missing?), check with me to get Pablo’s number.

The irresistible Mercedes Dullum, for so long the “spirit” of AC D.C., writes from Cincinnati:

Hey guys! Things are going really well here! I love my residency program, although they have been keeping me very busy. Somehow I have managed to find a few spare evenings to play some local pick-up, and also the residency has a co-ed team that plays indoor and outdoor, so I have made a few guest appearances. It has been a pretty crazy fall, but I am very happy here. I hope you are all doing well, and I miss the team so much! Keep up the good work, and kick butt in the playoffs! Happy holidays! Vae Victus, Mercedes :)

And finally, Graeme Ramshaw was back from England visiting AC D.C. last week. Although he didn’t write anything for this Christmas message, he did personally visit a co-ed game, just to re-capture that overwhelming joy of yelling at the referees.

I’m incredibly happy and proud that our players still think about AC D.C. after they leave Washington. Whereas all these players have left their mark on AC D.C. with their talent and skill, the team has clearly left a cherished mark on them as well. During this holiday season, as you share your love and good wishes with your family, I hope you will include your AC D.C. brothers and sisters in your warm thoughts.  Please also share your thoughts by adding a comment to this message below.  As always, I feel privileged that you all share your talent, camaraderie and passion for the game with me and with each other. I wish you happy holidays and peace.

News Flash!

Exciting news out of UEFA this morning! The Champions' League draw took place with much anticipation. The most exciting outcome of the draw is no doubt Man United v. Inter Milan. This marks the first time "the Special One" will return to England. Barca escaped the Gunners this round and will play Olympic Lyonnais (ZZZzzzzz). Real Madrid, in poor form at the moment, will play EPL leaders Liverpool. I doubt the Madridistas chances, to be honest. Chelsea draw Juve. In that I hate both teams, this is the game wherein I would like to see both teams lose. Bayern will play Sporting.

OK, you're wondering who the Gunners are playing. Well, for the second year in a row, Arsenal drew Italians, this time, AS ROMA. I hope Mr. Totti is healthy, and Aquilani is in good form. There was talk last summer about Arsenal buying Aquilani, so let's see what we are missing.

The first leg will take place 24th and 25th of February. Time to buy my plane ticket to London!

For more on the draw, go here.

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Announcement

I love our co-ed league (see: heavy sarcasm). Commish Larry just told me there's a ninth game yet to be scheduled. And then, I suppose we'll have playoffs....which we will play in February....or something! I wonder if Nike makes the T90 Lasers for "snow conditions."

Monday Morning Report: December 15

Chess Match & the Penguin Brain

Our co-ed squad continues to surprise. This weekend, we managed to lose ignominiously to the 6th place team (UMFC) in a sleep-walk performance, but then turned around to beat the 1st place team (Half-time Orange Slices) in a superlative 1-0 game. How is that possible? I am at least partially to blame because of the way I set up the rosters. To give you a sense of the method behind the madness, or just the madness, here’s the chess-match that I played in my head last week.

First thing I do is look at the strength of the opponents. It’s obvious that, on paper, the Sunday opponent is stronger (+13 goal differential). With that, and with the entry into playoffs in mind, I calculated that a win + a draw/win is a satisfactory result. Now, a less agile mind, like a Captain-Cruz-brain would simply set up a “B team” and “A team” for the two matches. Ah, but the Penguin brain is a lot more complex (Helloooo?….1450 on my SATs!).

With the win + draw/win in mind, I set up the Sunday roster against the stronger opponent first. The next decision is whether to be offensive-minded, or defensive oriented. That solution was easy. I took the player in the best form at the moment, and planted him solidly on the roster. I think there are few who would argue that Robb is playing out of his mind right now, essentially unbeatable. With him in goal, I started picking players for the Sunday 4-4-2, taking into account such factors like seniority, skill, who paid dues on time etc.

But before I can finish the Sunday roster, I had to start the Saturday one. Remember, I was expecting a “win” on Saturday, so certainly I didn’t want to send out a “B team” for the game. I also wanted a handful of Sunday players to be completely fresh, so I also considered whom to exclude on Saturday, in order to keep them fresh for Sunday.

In the end, players’ availability, quickness to respond to Evites (Jeez, Peter…OH MY DEAR GOD…can you please make up your mind faster?) etc. also played a factor, but I was quite pleased with how both rosters looked by Friday evening.

Ah…and then all hell broke loose.

When UMFC scored on us in the second half on Saturday, we lost a knight in the chess match. And by the end of the game, we had lost our queen. The only way left to salvage the weekend is if we pull out a “win” against the 1st place team on Sunday. Luckily, I had confidence that the group on Sunday could do it. I knew that our other knight, both bishops and both rooks were still in play.

And so we did win….in grand style. Peter “slow on Evite” Strand finished the goal, which was created by Mumbles. And Robb was his usual impermeable self between the sticks. Everyone played patient, error-free football. Oh, and whoever it was who filled in behind Robb to clear the ball off the line in the first half… please identify yourself to receive our applause. We are currently in first place with a 6-2 record. The “Orange Slices” have a game in hand, so the final result of our division will have to wait ‘til their game next week.

In other news, a bunch of us kept getting drunken messages from Luis “I broke my leg” Campillo during the “classico” on Saturday between Real Madrid and Barcelona. Whoever he was watching the game with must have wondered who he was talking trash to on email! It’s a real shame that Barca fans like Luis (sore winners) can’t hold their tequilla. We even got the pathetic “I miss you guys! I love you guys!” line….Oh Luis….BE A MAN!

Relevant to Barca and the upcoming week, all eyes on the UEFA CL draw on Friday. There is a one in five chance that my Gunners will draw Barca, and I’ll be there in person to watch Thierry Henry return to Arsenal for the first time in another uniform. Who will I bring with me to that game in London 2/24? Who’s been nicest to the manager this year? Ah, you’ll find out.

To end, good win on Sunday. Let’s forget Saturday. It was good to see Graeme back today yelling at the refs for one game, visiting us from England. Our thoughts are with Capt Whitey as he climbs Kilimanjaro. We are off until the New Year. Christmas message will appear anon. Follow the link in the "Pick-me-up" section to the left.

Monday Morning Report: December 8

First of all, how’d you like the new-look banner, huh? Not to shabby, eh? Please sign up for the RSS feed for this blog. I only have one “follower” right now, and that’s kind of pathetic.

I’ve already talked about Saturday…sort of….so we’ll talk Sunday now. On a freezing Sunday morning, the co-ed squad faced the Red Devils. Sheesh, another team taking after Man United! We jumped on them for an early 3 nil lead, thanks to goals from Morgan, Khalid and Paul, and went into the interval with that score.

The second half was quite a bit more nervy. They came at us with their tall and speedy strikers, and even though Robb was his usual self, being the “wall” in front of goal, we still conceded two goals to them. The second one was particularly egregiously, as the ball bounced straight over my head at left-back, right into the path of their speedy striker. I have given myself ten lashes for that error.

Fortunately, after that, we settled down and ran out the clock. We could have been a lot more patient in the second half, using up the minutes much better, but all-in-all, it was a scrappy win…the sort of victory that we have to bag if we are to contend for the championship….in the deep snow of February! The final score on Sunday was 3-2.

Several of you made a point this weekend which I want to emphasize here with a story from, guess who….Arsenal.

On Saturday, something happened at the Emirates Stadium, which I never thought would happen in professional football: a manager pulled a player off the pitch as the crowd was about to riot, calling for his head. Nasir went down with an injury in the first half, and Wenger replaced him with Emmanuel Eboue. Now, if you haven’t heard me talk about Eboue before, you should know that I think of him no differently from most Arsenal fans: that he’s a good-for-nothing c*#thound who should be shining boots, not playing, at Arsenal.

Whether it’s because of his own injury/recent recovery, or whether it’s from the really putrid sukiyaki wifey fed him the night before, Eboue came out even more awful than usual. He gave the ball away to the other team at least 5-6 times….and I mean directly to them. The last one, the one that caused the stadium to riot, was the worst. He ran into the path of his own teammate, took the ball, and poked it to the opponent. As he was substituted by the manager to avoid a stampede onto the pitch by the rabid fans, the commentators lamented the poor behavior of the Arsenal supporters.

Now, AC D.C. doesn’t usually have fans in the bleachers. And as much as I would ask you to join me in calling for Eboue’s testicles whenever he’s on the pitch, my point is that we have to behave in the opposite way when AC D.C. is playing. We have to be positive with each other.

That’s the point that Khalid made at halftime on Saturday, that some of you reiterated after the game, and I want to emphasize here. We are not paid any money to perform on the pitch. Playing footie is not our job. We play because of our passion for the game, and we play to the best of our ability and for each other. Now, if a teammate is lazy and not work hard enough for the team, then by all means, make your point emphatically. But being negative towards an AC D.C. teammate under any other circumstances is counter-productive. It will only erode the teammate’s confidence and harm the squad’s morale. If you have alternative ways to make the play, encourage your teammate to do so in a positive way, like “Opus, put a foot to that ball next time” or “Opus, grow 5” and head the ball out!”

The alternative of “Opus, what the f@#k were you thinking letting that ball bounce over your head” would not be the “preferred” way of communicating on AC D.C. These examples are, of course, theoretical. :)

OK, until next episode, boys and ladies.

ACDC Sacks Manager! Fans Response: About Time!

(Washington DC) From the Arlington VA practice facilities of AC D.C. emerge reports that the ownership of AC D.C. has fired their long-time manager, who goes by the various aliases: Opus, The Penguin, The “Retarded” One. AC D.C. has been struggling this season on the men’s squad, having netted only 7 points the entire season, and once again, only narrowly avoiding relegation.

The Chairman of the Board, evil brain surgeon, Dr. W. Chong-Yuen Jean, famous for his invention commonly known as the “Infectotron” which has maimed and crippled many people, spoke to the press after the final game of the season on Saturday morning when AC D.C. lost 4-1 in a lackluster performance.

“It is time to make a change. Opus has been the manager a long time, but the team clearly needs to move forward under better leadership. When you lose to the last-place team in the league by 6 goals….when we have brilliant attacking players and only manage 11 goals all season, clearly it’s not the players’ fault but the manager’s,” said Jean.

Fan reaction has been mostly in favor of the ownership’s decision. Said Hugh G. Organ of Centreville, “It’s about f*$king time! That wine-soaked, pompous c#*t has run this team to the ground. How can you win only 2 games with the best players in the league?” Amanda Huginkiss of DC offered a differing viewpoint, “I liked the Penguin. He’s cute.”

This season has also seen AC D.C. face other controversies off the pitch. Aging striker Parham “The Assassin” Farid was caught carousing at his newly opened bar, at one time, 7 nights in a row, while missing several team functions. Newly acquired forward, and top-scorer of the season, Justin Peabody was caught in a name-change scandal, during which the team wanted him to “be Brazilian,” and be known by the single moniker “Mumbles.” The player continues to refuse.

Clearly, the clubhouse is need of a leadership change. Opus, pictured above cheering at the 2006 World Cup in Germany, was not available for comment, but did send his agent, the infamous Drew Flowerhaus, to talk to this reporter. He said, “Opus clearly regrets the results this season. He wants everyone to know that the players are not to blame. They are skillful, and they work very hard. The fact that they cannot play together effectively is the manager’s fault, but he regrets that he won’t have the opportunity to affect change in the future.” He further adds, “Losing 6 nil to the last-place team was a big deal to the ownership for some reason. For all sorts of reasons that game, AC D.C. players were not available, so I’m not sure what the Chairman wants the manager to do in that situation.”

The game in question took place in mid-September against the Vin Rovers. A win in that game would have put AC D.C. in a much better position with a point-total equal to their first season last fall. However, the bench was decimated at that time. Goalkeeper Todd was out with a mysterious syphilitic infection, and forwards Groblewski, Peabody and Mazzuca were all abducted by aliens, only to be returned the following week. Defensive stalwart Lominska was also unavailable because of diaper-changing duties.

As to the question who will replace The Penguin to lead the talented players of AC D.C., Jean was uncharacteristically reticent. Rumor has it that AC D.C. will replace The “Retarded” One with the “Special” One, but Jose Mourinho has already denied that he will manage AC D.C., saying, “I will not manage AC D.C..” Another speculation has captain Jeff Cruz becoming once again player-manager, but the ownership has denied such consideration. Jean said, “Cruz already has a job and it is to be captain. Who will manage our great players in the spring? We’ll just have to see.”

Jean then gave a strange wink to the cameras, as if to hint that he, the evil brain surgeon, will try his own hand at the managerial task. God save the players and fans of AC D.C.!