Monday Morning Report: December 15

Chess Match & the Penguin Brain

Our co-ed squad continues to surprise. This weekend, we managed to lose ignominiously to the 6th place team (UMFC) in a sleep-walk performance, but then turned around to beat the 1st place team (Half-time Orange Slices) in a superlative 1-0 game. How is that possible? I am at least partially to blame because of the way I set up the rosters. To give you a sense of the method behind the madness, or just the madness, here’s the chess-match that I played in my head last week.

First thing I do is look at the strength of the opponents. It’s obvious that, on paper, the Sunday opponent is stronger (+13 goal differential). With that, and with the entry into playoffs in mind, I calculated that a win + a draw/win is a satisfactory result. Now, a less agile mind, like a Captain-Cruz-brain would simply set up a “B team” and “A team” for the two matches. Ah, but the Penguin brain is a lot more complex (Helloooo?….1450 on my SATs!).

With the win + draw/win in mind, I set up the Sunday roster against the stronger opponent first. The next decision is whether to be offensive-minded, or defensive oriented. That solution was easy. I took the player in the best form at the moment, and planted him solidly on the roster. I think there are few who would argue that Robb is playing out of his mind right now, essentially unbeatable. With him in goal, I started picking players for the Sunday 4-4-2, taking into account such factors like seniority, skill, who paid dues on time etc.

But before I can finish the Sunday roster, I had to start the Saturday one. Remember, I was expecting a “win” on Saturday, so certainly I didn’t want to send out a “B team” for the game. I also wanted a handful of Sunday players to be completely fresh, so I also considered whom to exclude on Saturday, in order to keep them fresh for Sunday.

In the end, players’ availability, quickness to respond to Evites (Jeez, Peter…OH MY DEAR GOD…can you please make up your mind faster?) etc. also played a factor, but I was quite pleased with how both rosters looked by Friday evening.

Ah…and then all hell broke loose.

When UMFC scored on us in the second half on Saturday, we lost a knight in the chess match. And by the end of the game, we had lost our queen. The only way left to salvage the weekend is if we pull out a “win” against the 1st place team on Sunday. Luckily, I had confidence that the group on Sunday could do it. I knew that our other knight, both bishops and both rooks were still in play.

And so we did win….in grand style. Peter “slow on Evite” Strand finished the goal, which was created by Mumbles. And Robb was his usual impermeable self between the sticks. Everyone played patient, error-free football. Oh, and whoever it was who filled in behind Robb to clear the ball off the line in the first half… please identify yourself to receive our applause. We are currently in first place with a 6-2 record. The “Orange Slices” have a game in hand, so the final result of our division will have to wait ‘til their game next week.

In other news, a bunch of us kept getting drunken messages from Luis “I broke my leg” Campillo during the “classico” on Saturday between Real Madrid and Barcelona. Whoever he was watching the game with must have wondered who he was talking trash to on email! It’s a real shame that Barca fans like Luis (sore winners) can’t hold their tequilla. We even got the pathetic “I miss you guys! I love you guys!” line….Oh Luis….BE A MAN!

Relevant to Barca and the upcoming week, all eyes on the UEFA CL draw on Friday. There is a one in five chance that my Gunners will draw Barca, and I’ll be there in person to watch Thierry Henry return to Arsenal for the first time in another uniform. Who will I bring with me to that game in London 2/24? Who’s been nicest to the manager this year? Ah, you’ll find out.

To end, good win on Sunday. Let’s forget Saturday. It was good to see Graeme back today yelling at the refs for one game, visiting us from England. Our thoughts are with Capt Whitey as he climbs Kilimanjaro. We are off until the New Year. Christmas message will appear anon. Follow the link in the "Pick-me-up" section to the left.