On a beautiful, sunny Saturday afternoon in Charlottesville, Georgie married the transcendent Megan Underwood, with just about half the state of West Virginia in attendance (What the heck is that John Denver song?) Befitting of his moniker KG7 (for King George VII), George got to boss me around, as I chauffeured the groom from point-to-point ("Chop, chop Chinaman!"). Of course, he knows I love him and would do anything for him, so the heavy responsibility of making sure the groom showed up on time was my honor to bear.
It was a beautiful affair and the weather cooperated nicely even though our polyester shirts and three-piece tuxedos made it a bit sweaty for the groom. I didn't have the opportunity to roast the groom, nor did I have the courage to snatch the mic from the DJ. But if I had had the chance, this is what I would have said to the guests in attendance:
"You folks may notice something odd about George and his groomsmen. Two of us are in over forties, and the best man's own wedding took place when George was 13! So, why does he have these....why does he need these 'mature' gentlemen in his life? (pause) Clearly, to balance his own immaturity!
We love Georgie Boy, but don't ever try debating him as reasonable gentlemen. He'll close his eyes, hold his breath and refuse to exhale until he gets his way. The newest juvenile shenanigan that Georgie has grown fond of, is texting me when he is, shall we say...using the facilities. If that's not love, well then.....that's really not love. Yuk!
If you look at it 'on paper,' there're very few reasons why George and I should be friends. Not only is there a gross mismatch in age, we also come from very different backgrounds and cultures. He's loud and obnoxious. I'm contemplative and docile. He cheers for Man U, and I cheer for Arsenal. But we found each other playing soccer and discovered our shared passion for the beautiful game. And from there, we discovered other things about each other as well.
Behind the veneer of the beer-guzzling hill-billy and the charade of the loud-mouth yuckity-yuk lies a kind soul...an intelligent person, who is curious about what the world beyond Appalachia has to offer....a sensitive and gentle man to the people who surround him. He frequently puts other people's needs ahead of his own, and has the spectacular ability of anticipating them to offer help just at the right moments.
He and I were sharing a plate of wings at Bailey's one time, when I found myself short on napkins. Being accustomed to our friend Jeff's response at these moments ("Eleonor! Napkins!!"), I was surprised when Georgie got out of his seat, and returned with napkins...just for me! And his kindness and consideration for his friends extend beyond just paper products. It is this gentle kindness, coupled with his youthful exuberance, that us mature gentlemen have grown to admire.
I have grown very fond of George and Megan, and I love them dearly. With all that I am, all that is mine, and everything in my ability, I would give them anything they need to start their life together... and beyond. Ultimately, that is because I know that George would do the same for me.
Cheers for the beautiful couple."
Well, that's what I would have said, had I the courage to grab the mic. We love you Georgie! Have a happy and safe honeymoon!
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